eloquence

I thought I wanted to write a blog about this...
It turns out I suck at writing eloquently so I can't,
Because it completely defeats the purpose of the title.
I like the word, so I am keeping it up there to be read by others.
Maybe someone else will see it and be inspired by it.
When I read the word eloquence, I want to write poems.
I will now take a break and attempt to write one.
Here is what I wrote

I'm sitting here alone in the quiet.
Hearing the rain falling gently on the ledge,
and the painful creeks from my bed,
I think of you.
Smelling the fresh lilac flowers I picked yesterday,
and the stink from opening my fridge,
I think of you.
Feeling the softness of my blanket on my face,
and the cold metal by my hand
I think of you.

We all have good times.
and bad.
The magical thing about life is that we get to choose.
Will I notice the Lilacs or the rotten oranges?

God

So, today is about one of life's big questions, is there a god? I have basically always said no. I remember in pre-school a boy asked me if I believed in god and couldn't believe I said no. Then I didn't think about why I don't think there is a god,or if I could be wrong, what it means to the others around me, or how it effects other relationships. Now I think about it sort of a lot. I used to have friends with basically the same views... no I don't really believe in god or no there is defiantly no god... now that has changed. I still have hardcore atheist friends, but they don't ever talk about how they don't believe in god. My friends in majority believe in god, and talk about it. He is a part of their lives most Sundays and all the volunteering they do is at church events either counseling or raising money or something that sounds like a lot of fun. I have a friend i just made and recently we were at a museum and he saw some figures of Jesus and was happy and all "hey look! Jesus :)" I never get that way about anything.. I am beginning to recognize that believing in God helps people feel hope and positively. Not to say I don't have a good outlook on life, I just wonder a lot what it would be like to think there is someone up there looking out for me. I feel like I would be happier too. I want to believe in god, but I'm scared ? maybe ? I'm really not sure, I guess the way I was raised just completely disables me to believe in something that doesn't really show proof. I can do tests sure, If there really is a god... I won't be preggo... if there is a god... my mom won't die in the hospital... if there is a god... we won't have to sell our house. Well science and luck in markets can stop any of those bad things from happening just as easily as a god could. Unless I have some deep booming voice in my head and a vision of heaven or something I really don't think I am ever going to be able to feel the security of thinking there is someone watching out for me other than myself and people that love me. So to all those people - you make my life worth living and you make me happy every single day :) thank you so much you are all I'll ever need

I also think about what my friends that do believe in god think about my views.. maybe I will find out posting this, but I often feel as though they will still like me but put me into one of a few different categories... I should try to get her to believe... I like her less now... who cares!?!? Allison is my friend...
I don't care if someone wants to try and make me believe. Go ahead, I'm totally open to it, I just think I'm hard to change, but maybe I would like to be changed
I also don't care about being put into the it doesn't change anything category that's great right? It proves our friendship can survive petty differences
I do worry about the people that would be inclined to like me less, I don't know if there are actually people out there that would fall into that category, I would sort of hope not. But it worries me for a lot of different reasons. What if I meet the man of my dreams but he is religious and I'm not? Hopefully if I told him I don't believe in god and have never read the bible or quran or torah I wouldn't be placed into this category, but it sure would be disheartening to find out I did get categorized into the I like her less category.
Sometimes I worry that I wont be able to connect to people that do believe in god, I sometimes can't help but think they are a bit foolish because to me they are making a serious commitment and putting a lot of trust in something that isn't there. Couldn't they be thinking the exact opposite? But - I see how much happier people are thinking their trust is received and valued by this god of theirs. I guess I will just have to settle with being in limbo and trust my friends won't judge me for not seeing eye to eye with them. I suppose they aren't really my friends if they do judge

Valentine's Day

What is the point to Valentine's day? So far I haven't really heard anyone say much positive about it... It seems to me like girls are just annoyed at their boyfriends for not taking it seriously. I recognize that the girls don't particularly care for valentines day but more the idea of doing something romantic for once... but it sure makes me feel lonely when I think of it :(
My solution to this problem is to go out with Natalie and look super hot in my little black dress. All you girls that wish you were single so you could have a fun makeout session on Valentine's day with a totally random person can suck it! Sorry you have love interests because I am going to turn Valentines day into "celebrate the fact your single and can hookup with any male that damn well pleases you day!" CFYSHAMTDWPYD for short Muahhahaha ( its pronounced siffy-sham-twid-pyd)

Chemistry

Soooo
I learned a valuable life lesson in one of my classes. IF YOU JUST COPY YOUR CHEM LAB ASSIGNMENT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING WHEN TESTED OVER IT
Please do NOT follow my example and be good students by doing your own work... or at least make sure you understand what you are supposed to be doing before you are tested over the material you totally copied.

FAIL!

I know I am guilty of horrible spelling and poor grammar... but this is just too funny not to post. Eric goes to KU and Adam goes to K-State

Eric
not seeing why a mascot has to be a real thing, pretty sure it just has to represent something. Oh and I'm hunting on the internet and I'm not finding anything actually called a wildcat living in Kansas, let alone North America. But it does say the domestic cat is a descendant of the wildcat...so I guess if we're a bunch of made up birds...you're all a bunch worthless pussies

Adam
Jesus.... it's called a comment not a short story

Eric
Sorry they keep shoving this liberal artsy fartsy homo education down our throats. Didn't mean to whip out the full sentences.

Eric
What is the story behind the wildcat anyway? I'm actually curious to know

Adam
If you would like to get technical your grammer and sentax was actually terrible in your "comment" hehe

WTF??? way to spell grammar and syntax wrong.. in a grammatically incorrect sentence...

I found this on the internet without a name for who wrote it. But I totally agree with them!

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. It takes up most of your time, and what do you get at the end? A death. I think it should all go backwards. You should die first, to get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, then you go to work. You work forty... years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating, then you finish off as an orgasm.

Sooo Bored

So it has long been a part of me to procrastinate. Hardcore style.
Well, I have come up with a solution. Take classes only on Monday Wednesday and Friday. Annd, make yourself get up by 9 am. I have discovered there is only so much time I can spend sitting on my futon. After about an hour and a half of sitting trying to find something to do on the internet I will start picking up after my self from the day before. Once that is done I check my planner and see what kind of homework I have. I still don't like the idea of homework so I don't do it right away. I go back to the internet for about 40 minutes before I realize again how pointless it is to keep refreshing my facebook profile because nothing is going to change. FINALLY I will actually get out my homework and do some :) by this time it is about 12 or 1. I get disgruntled by the thought of homework though so my enthusiasm for it does not last long. By 1:30 I will give up again. But since I haven't left my room all day I start getting antsy and want to get out. So I put on my running shoes and go running :) When I'm back from my run I have enough endorphins to get me through another hour of homework before I want to nap and eat dinner. After dinner I get bored again and seeing as I have done everything possible to avoid homework I have left I do it!
So maybe my procrastination has not been cured... but I'm learning to live with it :D

One of the many reasons I am a vegetarian

I was just reading random pages from Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser, damn, it is scary! There were all these descriptions of things that have happened in meat packing plants. The rumors about getting fingers in chicken nuggets and stuff sound like they are probably true after reading about it. I wonder if Mike Rowe would ever do a Dirty Jobs episode on the people that clean the places. In the book I read that illegal immigrants get paid 1/3 less than the people that work in the day and there job discription is 1000 times worse. They spray every inch of the plant with presurized water mixed with chlorine at 180 degrees :( apperentley there is so much steam the people can't see each other and burn one another with the water. Not to mention the perils they go through to clean the conveyor belts meat grinders and vents caked with blood and fat raised 30 feet in the air.
If that is not a good reason to stay away from meat I don't know what is.

Miracles

The woman I dog sit for, needed an emergency dog sitter because her daughter was in a horrible car wreck, I don’t know exactly what happened. Essentially her daughter was thrown from her vehicle and has second and third degree burns on 40% of her body. She also has two breaks in her first vertebrae along with a broken foot and skull fracture. It is a miracle she is alive.

This all happened six months ago but it still amazes me. I saw her the other day and she looked great. Like nothing had happened. I can't say I believe in god, but this makes me wonder.

Abortion

I was reading today about a man who went to a church and shot an usher because his day job was being a doctor at an abortion clinic. The man thought he was saving unborn children's lives by killing this doctor. Well, I am sure some one has informed him now, but what about the mothers who can not support a child that went to the doctor for help? What if now the embryo that tuned into a child because the doctor did not stop it is two years old and starving. Or in the future they are 8 years old and struggling in school because they have to stay up and help their mother with other children that are hungry because the doctor was not around to help? I think it is sad that people refuse to look past the "killing of babies" (which are really just a few cells without any feeling or thoughts much like skin that gets scraped off when we fall off a bike but much much smaller) to see the greater good that is being done. Perhaps the mother went to the doctor because she would die if she were to have the baby? Shouldn’t we try to save the actual person living and breathing that has already worked so hard in life?

Selflessness of Selfishness?

Maybe it is just me but right now I am thinking that monks are pretty selfish people. Maybe not all of them. But from what I learned in my Eastern religion monks care about obtaining peace and well being in this life and the next. That is, obtaining peace for themselves in this life and the next. I know that Gandhi changed the world. But that is not the type of monk I am talking about. I mean the men that go into seclusion in the mountains and pray all day until they become enlightened and teach others to do the same on the mountain until death. Yes, these monks believe that they should show kindness, but isn't the underlying reason they think this way to get good karma for themselves? I don’t imagine monks go too far out of their way to help those in need. I know all that sounds pretty horrible to think about people I don’t know much about. I have read a few books on monkhood written by monks in China and Japan though, and they were fairly consistent with what I said above.
This all came up because I was just thinking to myself - Life is horrible. Death and misery are all around. Pressing on us every day. I thought to my self - maybe I will just go join a nunnery or something. Then I won't have to worry about all the troubles of the world. I can just focus on finding peace within my self. Well immediately I realized the only way I will ever find peace in myself is knowing that I personally went out and fought for what was right. I will find peace knowing I got dirty and helped people face to face.
I was lucky enough to be born into America with a family who is able to send me to school. Why not take advantage of that and learn something in school that will really help the people living in our amazing world that can't enjoy it because they haven't eaten in a week or have no legs to go places or eyes to see them with?