God

So, today is about one of life's big questions, is there a god? I have basically always said no. I remember in pre-school a boy asked me if I believed in god and couldn't believe I said no. Then I didn't think about why I don't think there is a god,or if I could be wrong, what it means to the others around me, or how it effects other relationships. Now I think about it sort of a lot. I used to have friends with basically the same views... no I don't really believe in god or no there is defiantly no god... now that has changed. I still have hardcore atheist friends, but they don't ever talk about how they don't believe in god. My friends in majority believe in god, and talk about it. He is a part of their lives most Sundays and all the volunteering they do is at church events either counseling or raising money or something that sounds like a lot of fun. I have a friend i just made and recently we were at a museum and he saw some figures of Jesus and was happy and all "hey look! Jesus :)" I never get that way about anything.. I am beginning to recognize that believing in God helps people feel hope and positively. Not to say I don't have a good outlook on life, I just wonder a lot what it would be like to think there is someone up there looking out for me. I feel like I would be happier too. I want to believe in god, but I'm scared ? maybe ? I'm really not sure, I guess the way I was raised just completely disables me to believe in something that doesn't really show proof. I can do tests sure, If there really is a god... I won't be preggo... if there is a god... my mom won't die in the hospital... if there is a god... we won't have to sell our house. Well science and luck in markets can stop any of those bad things from happening just as easily as a god could. Unless I have some deep booming voice in my head and a vision of heaven or something I really don't think I am ever going to be able to feel the security of thinking there is someone watching out for me other than myself and people that love me. So to all those people - you make my life worth living and you make me happy every single day :) thank you so much you are all I'll ever need

I also think about what my friends that do believe in god think about my views.. maybe I will find out posting this, but I often feel as though they will still like me but put me into one of a few different categories... I should try to get her to believe... I like her less now... who cares!?!? Allison is my friend...
I don't care if someone wants to try and make me believe. Go ahead, I'm totally open to it, I just think I'm hard to change, but maybe I would like to be changed
I also don't care about being put into the it doesn't change anything category that's great right? It proves our friendship can survive petty differences
I do worry about the people that would be inclined to like me less, I don't know if there are actually people out there that would fall into that category, I would sort of hope not. But it worries me for a lot of different reasons. What if I meet the man of my dreams but he is religious and I'm not? Hopefully if I told him I don't believe in god and have never read the bible or quran or torah I wouldn't be placed into this category, but it sure would be disheartening to find out I did get categorized into the I like her less category.
Sometimes I worry that I wont be able to connect to people that do believe in god, I sometimes can't help but think they are a bit foolish because to me they are making a serious commitment and putting a lot of trust in something that isn't there. Couldn't they be thinking the exact opposite? But - I see how much happier people are thinking their trust is received and valued by this god of theirs. I guess I will just have to settle with being in limbo and trust my friends won't judge me for not seeing eye to eye with them. I suppose they aren't really my friends if they do judge